Из (давно) прочитанного
Feb. 29th, 2008 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
riontelHope somebody else out there will get the same kick out of this little article that I did. It's a very old and dated article, as you will undoubtably infer from the contents, but quite timeless and perfectly hilarious regardless.
Grammar's Footsteps by Stephen Fry
The following joke is often heard in theatres throughout Britain during the pantomime season.
UGLY SISTER 1: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a new hat.
UGLY SISTER 2: So that's where you get them from.
Not guaranteed to cause everyone to fall off their seats and writhe around on the floor barking with laughter perhaps, but a perfectly adequate gaglet.
For myself, whenever I am down in the dumps I buy myself a new piece of software. I lavish on my computer a love and loyalty that others prefer to expend on their pets, their cars or their collections of erotic bookplates. The latest confection with which I have tried to tempt the jaded palate of my machine is a perfectly extraordinary program called GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac. Please don't ask me to explain the bullets between the letters, I suspect the tmesis is necessary for copyright reasons, as is the unusual spelling of the word 'grammatic'. 'Mac' refers to the fact that my computer is called a Macintosh, named after the variety of apple, not the impermeable raincoat, of that name.
The purpose of GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac is to assist the writer by proof-reading his scripts and texts and offering grammatical and stylistic advice. Perhaps the most bizarre feature offered is a 'comparison chart' in which the user's writing is measured against three different prose styles: Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, Ernest Hemingway's short stories and a Life Insurance Policy (author unknown). The writer is awarded marks for readability, according to two alarming criteria known as the Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level and the Gunning's Fog Index. The writer is also told to which High School Grade his writing is equivalent. In common with most Britons I have not the faintest understanding of the American educational system and wouldn't know a Grade Point Average from a sophomore, so I cannot tell whether the fact that my writing consistently achieves an Eleventh Grade standard is good or bad. It may mean that I write like an eleven-year-old, it may mean that I am Marcel Proust; I think I am happier not knowing.
I have just passed every word of the above through the program to see what the computer would make of what I have already written today. The very first sentence of this article, I am afraid, was challenged. GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac has a downer on the passive voice. 'Consider revising, using active voice. See Help for more information,' it commanded. I was also told to replace the word 'assist' with the word 'help', the word 'achieve' with the word 'get' and the phrase 'the fact that' with the word 'because'.
On the Flesch-Kincaid level I achieved or 'got' a 12, which means, I am sorry to say, that my prose is 'difficult for most readers'. Averages of 4.66 letters and 1.5 syllables per word, on the other hand, compare favourably with a Life Insurance Policy. At 23.6 words per sentence, I am almost exactly level with Lincoln's Gettysburg Address which has 23.4, but nowhere near Hemingway's sparse 13.5. I can be pleased, apparently, that 12.7 per cent of the total words are prepositions, but must work on my over-reliance on the passive voice.
Monday's leader in the Telegraph fared little better. A convincing piece on Mr. Hurd's visit to Hong Kong was excoriated for over-use of the word 'unacceptable'. This shows a lamentable unfamiliarity with the correct style of Telegraph leaders in general. I, for one, hope the day never dawns when a Telegraph leader fails to use the word 'unacceptable' at least four times.
The leader writer's paragraph lengths were also abused. 'Paragraphs may be too long for most readers to follow. Try reorganising ideas into shorter logical units,' was the program's advice.
A Flesch-Kincaid level of 14 means the writing is 'difficult for most readers' and represents a High School level 'above the 11th grade'.
Well, having forked out good money for this program, I am loath to call it a useless and impertinent piece of junk, so I shall go on, for the time being, testing myself against it.
Something may happen over the weeks. My style may change. It may remind you of Hemingway. He was a great writer. He used short sentences. His writing was good. He knew it was good. He knew it was good because his Gunning's Fog Readability Index was high. He never used the passive voice. He thought adverbs were cissy. He never said 'the fact that'. He preferred to say 'because'. He like to say 'gotten' instead of 'achieved'.
He has gotten himself a reputation. He was tough. He wore a beard. He drank. He fished for marlin and bonefish. He shot. He even shot himself. Perhaps he shot himself because he thought his life was too long, like a bad sentence.
Perhaps he thought his life was too passive.
Who can say?
Grammar's Footsteps by Stephen Fry
The following joke is often heard in theatres throughout Britain during the pantomime season.
UGLY SISTER 1: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a new hat.
UGLY SISTER 2: So that's where you get them from.
Not guaranteed to cause everyone to fall off their seats and writhe around on the floor barking with laughter perhaps, but a perfectly adequate gaglet.
For myself, whenever I am down in the dumps I buy myself a new piece of software. I lavish on my computer a love and loyalty that others prefer to expend on their pets, their cars or their collections of erotic bookplates. The latest confection with which I have tried to tempt the jaded palate of my machine is a perfectly extraordinary program called GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac. Please don't ask me to explain the bullets between the letters, I suspect the tmesis is necessary for copyright reasons, as is the unusual spelling of the word 'grammatic'. 'Mac' refers to the fact that my computer is called a Macintosh, named after the variety of apple, not the impermeable raincoat, of that name.
The purpose of GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac is to assist the writer by proof-reading his scripts and texts and offering grammatical and stylistic advice. Perhaps the most bizarre feature offered is a 'comparison chart' in which the user's writing is measured against three different prose styles: Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, Ernest Hemingway's short stories and a Life Insurance Policy (author unknown). The writer is awarded marks for readability, according to two alarming criteria known as the Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level and the Gunning's Fog Index. The writer is also told to which High School Grade his writing is equivalent. In common with most Britons I have not the faintest understanding of the American educational system and wouldn't know a Grade Point Average from a sophomore, so I cannot tell whether the fact that my writing consistently achieves an Eleventh Grade standard is good or bad. It may mean that I write like an eleven-year-old, it may mean that I am Marcel Proust; I think I am happier not knowing.
I have just passed every word of the above through the program to see what the computer would make of what I have already written today. The very first sentence of this article, I am afraid, was challenged. GRAM•MAT•IK™ Mac has a downer on the passive voice. 'Consider revising, using active voice. See Help for more information,' it commanded. I was also told to replace the word 'assist' with the word 'help', the word 'achieve' with the word 'get' and the phrase 'the fact that' with the word 'because'.
On the Flesch-Kincaid level I achieved or 'got' a 12, which means, I am sorry to say, that my prose is 'difficult for most readers'. Averages of 4.66 letters and 1.5 syllables per word, on the other hand, compare favourably with a Life Insurance Policy. At 23.6 words per sentence, I am almost exactly level with Lincoln's Gettysburg Address which has 23.4, but nowhere near Hemingway's sparse 13.5. I can be pleased, apparently, that 12.7 per cent of the total words are prepositions, but must work on my over-reliance on the passive voice.
Monday's leader in the Telegraph fared little better. A convincing piece on Mr. Hurd's visit to Hong Kong was excoriated for over-use of the word 'unacceptable'. This shows a lamentable unfamiliarity with the correct style of Telegraph leaders in general. I, for one, hope the day never dawns when a Telegraph leader fails to use the word 'unacceptable' at least four times.
The leader writer's paragraph lengths were also abused. 'Paragraphs may be too long for most readers to follow. Try reorganising ideas into shorter logical units,' was the program's advice.
A Flesch-Kincaid level of 14 means the writing is 'difficult for most readers' and represents a High School level 'above the 11th grade'.
Well, having forked out good money for this program, I am loath to call it a useless and impertinent piece of junk, so I shall go on, for the time being, testing myself against it.
Something may happen over the weeks. My style may change. It may remind you of Hemingway. He was a great writer. He used short sentences. His writing was good. He knew it was good. He knew it was good because his Gunning's Fog Readability Index was high. He never used the passive voice. He thought adverbs were cissy. He never said 'the fact that'. He preferred to say 'because'. He like to say 'gotten' instead of 'achieved'.
He has gotten himself a reputation. He was tough. He wore a beard. He drank. He fished for marlin and bonefish. He shot. He even shot himself. Perhaps he shot himself because he thought his life was too long, like a bad sentence.
Perhaps he thought his life was too passive.
Who can say?
no subject
Date: 2008-03-01 05:25 am (UTC)There is a line break after "Marcel" in my browser, and I was mentally prepared for "Marceau". Oops.